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We had our first Imago World editorial meeting last week, and I am very excited to be taking over as Editor-in-Chief. Over the next few months we will be trying out different looks and ideas, we appreciate your patience over this time and welcome any feedback you may have. Warmly, Latest Imago News:
A Note From Tim Atkinson: Some of the most interesting discussions I have had in the Imago community have been around our plans to create low-cost opportunities for people to experience Imago. Our program for churches has caused some concern. Is it competition with our $700 a couple weekend workshops? Shouldn’t we view the church communities as a potential source for profit from our professional activities? These are good questions, which we need to address carefully. We’re in this business to help people, but we need to make a living, too. About 6 million people know about Imago from a $15 book. Many saw the Oprah show on TV. Our roots lie in making our teaching about relationships widely available, and much of the interest in Imago comes from people who read the book, or saw the TV show. How often do you meet people who after a short exposure to Imago say “I wish I had known about this all my adult life!” It’s frustrating for them that Imago wasn’t better known, and it is even more frustrating for us, who know how much it can help people. But in this country of 600 million, perhaps only a few hundred thousand have tried out their first Imago dialogue. It feels like something has to radically change. We’ve had 20 years of growth, and we’ve got a worldwide organization of 800 professional members to show for it. But the divorce rate is still over 50%. Children are still growing up with emotional wounds that restrict their lives and loves. I often see the world as a series of circles. We’ve got this whole big circle which is everybody. Inside that one is this tiny circle which is “couples who go to a therapist.” I’m imagining all the rest of the space becoming filled with circles which might be “People who learn about Imago in their church, synagogue, mosque, or temple”. Another might be “people involved in community led Imago education program.” Gradually the whole circle becomes filled with interlocking circles of people using Imago in their relationships. Then that little circle of “Imago therapy” would grow dramatically, as people recognize the value in seeking out some help. Think of the news people will read about, as Imago becomes part of the essential tools of community agencies seeking to revitalize depressed urban areas, or re-unite communities divided by war. For me personally it’s a difficult challenge. Where do I put my efforts today, when there is so much to be done in the Imago organization? On the one hand there is still a mountain of work to climb until we can feel we are giving the best support to professional therapist members. But making big changes is a bit like planting a tree. It takes a long time for the tree to grow, and that’s why you have to go and plant it as early as you can. Right now we are doing some planting, and putting a little effort out to start creating new programs, and raising funds for them. What little time we take to do this out of supporting our professional members we believe will be rewarded by a world in which Imago is a household word for relationships, and Imago workshop gift vouchers are the wedding present couple’s want most. Tim Atkinson IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY We are thrilled to announce the publication of the first volume of the Imago Series: IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY: Perspectives on Theory by Jossey-Bass Publishers. This book is a collection of essays on Imago theory written by Imago therapists for the professional clinical audience. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt are series editors, with Mo Theresa Hannah and Wade Luquet as volume editors. The current book is distinguished and compelling- a must read. Our vision is to publish a book every year on Imago written by Imago authors. So, as you read it, think about seeing your essay in the next volume About the Book: Imago Relationship Therapy: Perspectives on Theory is a groundbreaking book by our founders, leading trainers, and foremost practitioners of Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT). The first definitive introduction of IRT, this book outlines the relationship of IRT with preceding schools of thought, traces IRT’s history and explosive growth, and discusses the differences and similarities between Imago theory and other models of couple’s therapy. The book also presents some of the ideas of prominent Imago thinkers, such as the central role of connectivity and the problem of envy in committed relationships. New Team Formed to Advance IRI’s Social Purpose I am chairing a new Imago Relationship International (IRI) team recently formed to proactively advance IRI’s social mission—to change the world one relationship at a time. Our primary goal is to support and expand humanitarian and research programs that bring Imago healing to broader communities and underserved populations. As IRI’s fund development committee, the team’s main responsibility is to raise charitable grants from philanthropic foundations and donors who share Imago’s vision of a just and peaceful world. Our first step is to gather information about what’s currently being done. In early March, Tim sent a survey to the Imago community to collect stories and information about how members are applying Imago magic in the form of humanitarian outreach, education and research programs. If you haven’t already, please share your story with us as soon as possible, by emailing survey@imagorelationships.org. Our objective with the survey is to (1) compile an inventory of existing outreach and educational programs to share with the Imago community; (2) identify ways that IRI can provide programmatic support to increase Imago capacity in your communities; and (3) engage philanthropic foundations and donors in supporting IRI’s social benefit programs. Over the next several years, we hope to sponsor an array of educational, scholarship, and research programs that move forward IRI’s social purpose and expand Imago to a larger public. We’ll keep you posted, and hopefully involve many of you, as we progress. Julie Drezner The ParentCircle: Co-creating an environment of healing and growth. Barbara, a teacher and Bill, a master carpenter had been married for 10 years, had three young children, were struggling to find their couples connection again in their new family and were overwhelmed by the seeming complexity of parenting. Several of the kids and Barbara were in individual therapy and yet the stress and conflict in the family was increasing. They came in initially as a couple saying they felt quite disconnected as a couple and ineffective as parents. They were challenged on a daily basis by their kids’ behavior, and felt very discouraged and helpless. They didn’t know what to do. There is a crisis in our culture where traditional sources of support, guidance, and wisdom regarding parenting are increasingly absent. Most parents have few places in their lives where they can talk openly about their struggles as parents, access parent information and education, receive the support and MVE (mirroring, validation, empathy) they need to do their best in this most vital role as “stewards of life energy”. Over the past 20 years I have been privileged to work extensively with children and parents in varied modalities (individual, group, family). I've run 8 to 10 children's groups for children from kindergarten through high school each week for the past 14 years and have been deeply involved in the parenting group component for each of these children's groups. A broad brush of the ParentCircle program... In our work with parents we need to emphasize equally the importance of competency building, consciousness-raising, and the resolution of one's core issues.
It is from this energy over time that the ParentCircle model has emerged. What does the struggling parent need?
Within the ParentCircle groups it is safe to talk honestly about the self-as-parent. There is a clear session process with a beginning, middle, and end. There is a shared norm of finding one's work...and doing it. Stillness is highly valued. There is an ongoing effort to master certain selected group processes, such as the group as mirror, group validation processes, and the varied processes designed to harvest the natural energy of empathy and offer that to the parent who steps forward. There is an active use of selected processes to further one's own self work. A Parent Development Plan unfolds and is highly refined over the course of the group. There is significant journaling and between session work. A typical session would last two hours and would include journaling, the check-in process, an agenda go round, a parent education content piece, discussion, process work for a particular parent, a checkout process, journaling, and a closing ritual. Within the parent circle, from the very first moment, there is the conveying of a radical acceptance of where they are. First year goals include norming, forming, and storming as a group, the deepening of the relationship base within the group, the safety of the group is tested and strengthened, there's a monthly parent education theme from the pathways model, the parent development plan is implemented and refined overtime, the beginning processes are mastered, and the leadership is highly active and provides structure. The second-year goals focus on deepening the process, the introduction of more advanced processes gradually, and more attention is paid to core issues and their resolution(s). Ongoing parent education and training remains an emphasis. As the parent group matures there is less need for the clinician. The clinician attends fewer sessions, provides periodic consultation as needed and ultimately the mentor/coach/clinician lets go. The ParentCircle group has become a holding environment for the parents that can sustain itself overtime. In being an active participant in the co-creation of a safe and energetic ParentCircle, parents have moved along the mysterious path of healing and growth. They are now more able to mentor their children towards wholeness. The Israeli – Palestinian Imago Project The Israeli-Palestinian Imago project was initiated in 2002 by Imago therapist Orli Wahrman from the Israeli Center for Treatment of PsychoTrauma, with the purpose of using the Imago tools and the power of couples, to bridge the gap between Palestinians and Israelis, and creating a safe place and welcoming atmosphere for dialogue between individuals, couples, and communities. Together with co-leader of the project, Prof. Mohammad Shahin from Al-Quds University, the following activities were conducted to date:
A most successful four days workshop was conducted in Istanbul-Turkey (January 2005) for 10 Palestinian and Israeli couples. The first two days were dedicated to an intensive couple’s workshop, led by Al Turtle and Orli Wahrman, with the aid of Sandra Turtle and Gideon Avni. They were followed by two days of communologue with the additional leadership of Prof. Mohammad Shahin. Among the participants were people from different fields in universities, government agencies, and private businessmen. The couple’s workshop provided an optimal safe space between the participants, providing the possibility of deep and thorough discussion of the most painful issues to both sides during the communologue. Following the workshop all the participants were committed to continue meeting and promoting Imago couples work and communologue. Practical plans to extend the framework of the project by establishing two permanent institutional Imago Peace Centers in Palestine and Israel are under preparation. Orli Wahrman Peace Project Report IRI’s Peace Project, started in February, 2002, meets each Monday at 2 pm Eastern. A core group of Imago therapists and spouses/partner of Imago therapists continues to develop Communologue, a tool which expands the Imago Intentional Dialogue for use in group settings. Members have used the tool in a variety of settings, such as in holding the polarities/conflict in our Imago community, for those concerned for Middle East Peace, in therapy or support groups for men and women, and for teaching young people effective skills in communication. Communologue experiences have been held at Imago conferences in Toronto, South Africa, Vienna, and others. The Imago Peace Project will have a presence at the Atlanta Conference in October in leading Communologue. My husband, Jim—who joined me in January in co-chairing the group—and I will be leading this training, assisted by a number of active Peace Project members. We would like to hear how you have used our Communologue materials in your private practice, in a setting in your community, or at an Imago gathering you have held. We’d love to hear your experiences, how the tools have worked for you, and what you have learned. E-mail me at libba@creativebalance.com or Jim at jim@creativebalance.com. Thank you. You may get copies of some of our materials from our website http://imagopeaceproject.org/CommunologueNormsGuidelines. A few are also available in Hebrew! Around Imago
Think Tank Schedule The Imago Think Tank is at 1 PM Eastern Time, 10 AM Pacific Time Wednesday. The phone number is (865) 362-4450 and the pin is 7814#.
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