Imago World - April 2005

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A Note From Tim Atkinson:
Imago Relationships International's Executive Director

Imago Relationship Therapy: Perspectives on Theory - Volume 1

New Team Formed to Advance IRI’s Social Purpose

The ParentCircle
Co-creating an environment of healing and growth.

The Israeli – Palestinian Imago Project
Couples work and communologue between disputed communities

Peace Project Report

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Past Issues

The ParentCircle: Co-creating an environment of healing and growth. David F. Flohr, Ph.D.,CGP Barbara, a teacher and Bill, a master carpenter had been married for 10 years, had three young children, were struggling to find their couples connection again in their new family and were overwhelmed by the seeming complexity of parenting. Several of the kids and Barbara were in individual therapy and yet the stress and conflict in the family was increasing. They came in initially as a couple saying they felt quite disconnected as a couple and ineffective as parents. They were challenged on a daily basis by their kids’ behavior, and felt very discouraged and helpless. They didn’t know what to do. There is a crisis in our culture where traditional sources of support, guidance, and wisdom regarding parenting are increasingly absent. Most parents have few places in their lives where they can talk openly about their struggles as parents, access parent information and education, receive the support and MVE (mirroring, validation, empathy) they need to do their best in this most vital role as “stewards of life energy”. Over the past 20 years I have been privileged to work extensively with children and parents in varied modalities (individual, group, family). I've run 8 to 10 children's groups for children from kindergarten through high school each week for the past 14 years and have been deeply involved in the parenting group component for each of these children's groups. The ParentCircle pathways model™ came as a result of sitting with groups of parents 6-8 hours every week for over a decade. The model integrates parent education/development approaches, personal growth models and the sacred power and energy of Imago theory and practice within an ongoing energetic group process. Over the past five years I have developed an effective approach to helping leader based ParentCircle groups transition to self-sustaining ParentCircle groups. This is my current passion and mission. I want Barbara and Bill to have a safe and energetic place of their own...a holding environment...a home. A broad brush of the ParentCircle program... In our work with parents we need to emphasize equally the importance of competency building, consciousness-raising, and the resolution of one's core issues.
We must help parents learn how to create a safe and energetic holding environment for the self-as-parent as they move....at their own pace....toward true and essential wholeness. A holding environment were each self can unfold and reclaim the core energy that fuels our meaning making....our felt sense of mattering....so that this can be organically passed on to the children.
It is from this energy over time that the ParentCircle model has emerged. What does the struggling parent need? Connection A sense of hope and possibility Support Understanding...self and child Containment Mirroring, validation, and empathy Illumination of the path Resources Within the ParentCircle groups it is safe to talk honestly about the self-as-parent. There is a clear session process with a beginning, middle, and end. There is a shared norm of finding one's work...and doing it. Stillness is highly valued. There is an ongoing effort to master certain selected group processes, such as the group as mirror, group validation processes, and the varied processes designed to harvest the natural energy of empathy and offer that to the parent who steps forward. There is an active use of selected processes to further one's own self work. A Parent Development Plan unfolds and is highly refined over the course of the group. There is significant journaling and between session work. A typical session would last two hours and would include journaling, the check-in process, an agenda go round, a parent education content piece, discussion, process work for a particular parent, a checkout process, journaling, and a closing ritual. Within the parent circle, from the very first moment, there is the conveying of a radical acceptance of where they are. First year goals include norming, forming, and storming as a group, the deepening of the relationship base within the group, the safety of the group is tested and strengthened, there's a monthly parent education theme from the pathways model, the parent development plan is implemented and refined overtime, the beginning processes are mastered, and the leadership is highly active and provides structure. The second-year goals focus on deepening the process, the introduction of more advanced processes gradually, and more attention is paid to core issues and their resolution(s). Ongoing parent education and training remains an emphasis. As the parent group matures there is less need for the clinician. The clinician attends fewer sessions, provides periodic consultation as needed and ultimately the mentor/coach/clinician lets go. The ParentCircle group has become a holding environment for the parents that can sustain itself overtime. In being an active participant in the co-creation of a safe and energetic ParentCircle, parents have moved along the mysterious path of healing and growth. They are now more able to mentor their children towards wholeness.