Looking Back, Looking Ahead

I was asked to add to this newsletter some of my thoughts about our history as a community. It seems important to recognize and acknowledge our past, so we can appreciate and rejoice in our future.

The closing of our professional organization, AIRT, ends a very significant chapter in Imago land. AIRT meant such a great deal to me that I served on the board for 9 years. Many people worked countless hours to establish an organization whose mission was to support Imago practitioners with continuing education and fellowship via a yearly conference, a monthly newsletter, a wide array of teleclasses, and various other means. AIRT very successfully brought a diverse group of individuals into a boisterous, committed, focused, sometimes contentious, gang of zealots out to change the world, one couple at a time. AIRT was our base, our core, our beginning, and our launching pad. I know how painful it is for me and for many others to acknowledge the demise of AIRT. It makes total sense to me that each of us finds our own way to say goodbye and grieve the end of this valiant organization, in order to clear an internal space where “Hello to IRI!” can reside in a genuine and enthusiastic way.

As we move into this new chapter, a fear felt and voiced by many is, “With AIRT gone, who is going to look after my interests?” Clearly one of the challenges IRI has is to find ways to incorporate the very BEST of what AIRT represented; the connection, the collegiality, the enthusiasm, and the advocacy for the therapists who ARE the community. I believe this will happen as we remember that IRI is a co-creation of all of us, and that each of us is 100% responsible for its safety and health. Among other things this means each and every one of us must commit and endeavor to speaking and acting with consciousness, remaining open and curious, using Dialogue to communicate, honoring differing points of view, holding sacred the spaces between us, and giving feedback directly to the person it is intended for, and in a positive manner. I know, I know, this all sounds pretty lofty for mere mortals!! Well, I think we can meet this challenge, because I bet we all can take the first baby step of lining up a POSITIVE INTENTION, and from that safety and right activity will follow.

I believe this work attracts people who want the world to be a better place and are willing to work very hard to contribute to that happening. I think we are an amazingly dedicated, caring, committed group of human beings! Our hearts all want to see the world become more honoring of difference, a place where people feel equal and empowered; yet we were all raised in a “better-than/less-than” society, a “there are those who KNOW and those who don’t” educational system, and because of these and other influences, sometimes we couldn’t practice what we preached. Because of our collective backgrounds, sometimes we traversed the waters of our relationships with one another imperfectly. Sometimes when threatened or scared, instead of connecting as we learned to do using Imago processes, we acted in ways that produced disconnection. I know I often was (and sometimes still am!) reactive instead of curious and mirroring, and this lack of consciousness caused rupture. Even though our behavior was not always the best, I invite you to consider that every one of us in every interaction was doing the best we could in that moment, and if we could have risen to a higher Self, we would have. As I say to the couples in the workshop, “there are no mean or bad people here, just scared people doing the best they can without a very clear roadmap”.

As John Kerry eloquently says, NOW is the time for reconciliation and forgiveness. We must build our new organization TOGETHER! This is the only way it will be a strong and vibrant light for our desolate world.

Our new director Tim Atkinson and his wife Helen are complete delights. . It is reassuring to have someone at our helm that not only understands all aspects of running a business, from marketing and goal setting to budgets, but also, and as importantly, understands what we mean when we talk about “connection”. My experience of Tim and Helen is that they are both very connected to each other, and also very open to being connected to us. I also experience them as empowered and clear, but also available to input. They modeled true differentiation at our meeting together, and I believe anyone who can flow as they did with our faculty and not be driven crazy by us, is worth their weight in gold!

I believe Tim has the heart and the skills to lead us into becoming a truly international organization capable of holding all that we have to offer and honoring all of our different points of view. I urge you, no matter how worn out and tired and cynical you might be to put your wonderful energy into this new adventure. We all need each other. There is not an “us” and a “them”; there is just a WE, a collection of loving committed therapists trying to heal the planet by creating connection between couples, between parents and children, between individuals, and finally, between countries.

As this year ends, I want to tell you how grateful I am for the presence of the Imago community in Barbara’s and my life. So much good has happened to us in the past 15 years, and this community has been a consistently wonderful support and holder of our family and us. I am grateful everyday to have Imago friends the world over. When we took our road trip last fall, we were welcomed into countless Imago homes, homes that without exception were filled with love, compassion, and deep connection. In that spirit of deep connection, I wish for everyone a peaceful and blessed holiday season.

Maya and Barbara